It has been a really long time since I last shared a blog on my website. Two weeks ago, a current client alluded to something I had written a few years ago. I was embarrassed by the fact that the last entry was from 2022. I should have been writing all this time! What was I doing and why had this beloved form of self expression disappeared all but completely from my life? I was definitely beating up and “shoulding” on myself.
In order to practice self compassion, I often have to justify why I deserve it. Well, since 2022 a few things have happened in my life, which caused me to take a pause from this creative outlet. In 2022, my husband and four furbabies moved twice. It is now two years later, and our POD full of boxes of stuff are still piled high in our studio, covered by a thick layer of dust. We had COVID, were existing through the pandemic and very intense political and environmentally stressful times. We have been working full time, me building my private therapy practice, becoming licensed and expanding my professional knowledge. Our brood of 4 furbabies was reduced to just Maya after losing Mazy, Marco and Kaya in the last six months, to old age and cancer. We recently adopted two new kittens, after my husband broke his hip and we were forced to cancel all of our summer plans. Life has suddenly come to a screeching halt after so much grief and go go go. There was also pneumonia, a friend break-up and a surgery that was supposed to take one month to recover from but actually took three.
That’s It?????
Whew! I’m exhausted recounting all of that. I’m amazed at my own ability to still be standing after so much loss, transition and stress. I attribute it to the right meds, increased resilience due to using my therapeutic tools of grounding and mindfulness, self care, self-compassion, therapeutic support and having loving support around me. And I realize that this is what life looks like when it is working. Meaning, life always has its ups and downs, its peaks and valleys, its challenges and its wins. It is in how we face those challenges that we define who we are and how we move forward.
The World’s Smallest Violin
I realize I have an awful lot of privilege. I earn a good income, I now live in a very safe and serene environment, I am surrounded by love and there is an abundance of whatever I need at my disposal. However, grief is grief and whenever we are suffering, we deserve a good dose of self compassion. And rather than turning on myself during this time, I have (mostly) been able to keep my nose to the wind, get up in the morning, practice my rituals that keep me grounded and continue to show up.
However, with all that being said, the thing that has disappeared is my writing. I’ve maintained, although rather inconsistently, a journal writing practice. But my love of sharing tools, therapeutic resources, themes I notice showing up with clients, and my own experiences, have disappeared completely. Why is it when we need something the most, there seems to be no time or space for it to exist. The things I need most to keep grounded, including movement, mindfulness and writing, vanish into the self care abyss, perhaps never to be seen or heard from again. And I am not being melodramatic here. When I am busy and stressed, the things I need most are to slow down, take a few deep breaths, take a walk in nature or share my feelings and thoughts with empathetic individuals. Yet what happens in reality is that I get so exhausted that I end up fizzled and collapsed in a puddle of my own overwhelm. I tend to isolate and shut down rather than turn to the tools I know help.
Structure and Stability
Over the last two years, little by little, I have been reintroducing the rituals and routines that I know work for me. Moving is just so destabilizing and disruptive to life and it takes time to create new structures. I have established a strong morning routine that I look forward to. I’m making new friends and socializing more and isolating less. I’m getting out and exploring our new town and its surroundings. I’m also slowing down, practicing mindfulness and forest bathing as much as possible. I’m enjoying the new kitten energy after experiencing so much sadness and loss. And today, I am sitting down and writing for the first time in a long long time.
What activities have you forsaken in times of stress that you miss? How can you reintroduce these activities without feeling shame or overwhelm? Can you practice self-compassion and gratitude for the parts of yourself that have prioritized the need to let things go so you can rest and restabilize? Can you create a new routine, structure or accountability partnership to support you in reintroducing your activity?
If you feel like you’ve been stuck in a “comfort rut,” as someone recently called it, please reach out to me for some therapeutic support. I’d be happy to meet for a free consultation to discuss your situation.
If you are in crisis and need immediate care, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255. Or the Multnomah County crisis line at 503-988-4888. Please take care of yourself.
