The 3 G’s: Grace, Grounding and Gratitude

What are the three G’s?

For me and many of my clients, the three G’s, grace, grounding and gratitude, are the most important elements of the therapeutic work we do together. Firstly, they are so important because they help to alter the negative beliefs and behaviors that cause problems in life and bring people to therapy. Secondly, they help put into context ways of managing the suffering and challenges of living life. And lastly, often times there are not ways to fix the problems in life and practicing grace, grounding and gratitude are ways of managing what is out of our control and finding acceptance and understanding.

I could easily write a blog entry on each of these practices on their own. But here is a condensed version of the 3G’s for you to practice and add to your own tool kit for dealing with the stressors of life.

Grace

For many of us, probably 99% of humanity, the voice and words we speak to ourselves in are often cruel and critical. We would never speak to our friends or loved ones the way we speak to ourselves. And we would (hopefully) never allow those who love us to speak to us with such harsh words. It is so hurtful each time we do it. The judgements and expectations we hold ourselves to are usually unreasonable and unfair. When faced with a realistic critique of the issue, a kinder approach is usually realized. However the immediate and automatic response is frequently nasty and negative. It is just how we are wired. 

But there is something we can do about it. When we become aware of the voice, due to mindfulness and increased awareness, we can extend grace toward our hearts. In the form of words or non-verbal actions, we can offer kindness, peace and acceptance just as we do to our friends and loved ones. It takes effort and practice, especially when things are challenging, but that is the time we need it most. So we gotta practice self compassion as much as possible. By slowing down, putting a hand on our heart and telling ourselves, “This is hard, I am struggling and just as I would  offer a dear friend who was experiencing a challenge, I deserve kindness, gentleness and ease with myself.” 

Fierce Self Compassion & Grace

Kristen Neff, a pioneer of self compassion research, has wonderful self compassionate mindfulness practices and exercises. She also has a new book Fierce Self Compassion, written especially for women. As I named my practice Fierce and Fein Wellness, I resonate greatly with her message about the need for fierce self compassion and grace.

I wish we were taught from a young age how important the practice of self compassion is. I do believe we would live in a completely different world if we did. We would treat ourselves in a more loving way which in turn would lead us to treat strangers, animals and the planet in a more positive, loving, compassionate manner. 

Grounding

The two biggest issues clients come to therapy with are anxiety and depression. I experience them as well. How can we live in this world in current times and not feel some amount of worry, angst and sadness about the state of things? Practicing grounding helps to reset the nervous system to the present moment and quiet the mind of its ruminations and chatter, at least for a moment.

There are many ways to ground and recenter. Here are a few of my favorites grounding practices that take less than a minute each:

1. Find a cool green patch of grass, take off your shoes and feel your feet as they connect with the earth. Wiggle your toes, experience the texture and temperature of the grass and be in the moment. Now, what do you notice?

2. Tap into your senses. Wherever you are, notice what you hear, the sounds of the city or nature or house. What you are looking at, a picture or a pattern on the wall. What you are sitting or standing on? Are there any tastes or smells you experience? You can use an aromatic oil or spray to ground with, I love ByNieves Cloud of Protection spray or lavender oil. 

3. Take a deep breath and fill your lungs down to your belly and feel your belly rise and fall. Do this 3 times. Notice any tension or resistance in your body. Send breath to it. Notice what happens. 

4. Count things wherever you are. For example, if I am in a room, I can count all the red things or the tiles on the ceiling. If I am in nature, I can count all the different shades of green. There are countless (pun intended) ways to do this. Once, at a meeting, I was feeling very nervous and self conscious, so I focused on a giant poster on the wall and counted all the words with double letters. By the time I finished counting, the meeting had started and I was calm and present. 

5. Hug a tree, seriously. If in doubt, read my blog on the grounding benefits trees provide. You can also imagine you are a tree and grow roots from your tailbone down into the earth and wrap your roots around the center of the earth and feel grounded like a tree. Notice what happens when you either hug a tree or ground like one. 

6. From your chair or bed, feel the connection between your body and the support of the chair or bed. Then notice the texture of the cushions, the softness or hardness of the support and push your body into the support even more. Allow yourself to rest and trust that you are held. What do you notice now?

7. Laying down or sitting in a chair, lay a heavy or weighted blanket over you. Feel the safety of the heaviness and allow any resistance to go. Do you notice a difference in your experience?

8. Do you have a pet? If so, lay down with them and lay your hand on their fur. Feel the softness and texture of it. Notice their breathing. Can you synch up your breath with theirs? Do they have a scent or make a sound? What do you notice?

9. Do you have a grounding practice that you use that you can share with others? If so, please share it in the comments below or send me a message. I would love to hear them.

Try any of these and notice if the current anxiety, worry or stress has lessened. If it feels worse, then this is not the best practice for you. For some people, deep breathing can worsen anxiety but for others, it slows the world down and makes life manageable. Again, these are great when you are feeling good but more challenging to remember to practice when life is more difficult. By practicing, they become automatic tools in your toolbox to turn to when the challenges show up.  

Gratitude

Appreciation and gratitude are an amazing way to recenter, get present and remind yourself of the abundance you live in. It is so easy these days to get bogged down in all the negative things happening around us. However, stating several things you feel grateful for can alter the negative brain flow and create new positive pathways. In those moments when it feels impossible to find anything to feel grateful for, slow down. Notice the small things all around you that you may normally take for granted. 

The Small Things

For example, here are just a few. The hot shower you took this morning. A cup of coffee your friend brought you. The plant that grows even though you continually forget to water it. The book that keeps surprising you with wonderful antidotes. The walk you took this morning. That you woke up without pain. Your new pillow. 

It is sometimes easy to overlook the small things that make life manageable, like caffeine. And a comfortable bed. What can you think of that you feel a moment of appreciation for? Notice if there is any shift in your outlook. It may take practice but slowly it may feel that there is good in your life. If this doesn’t happen right away, do not fret. Keep trying it. 

When I have trouble sleeping and my mind is racing around, I will give myself a number of things to find gratitude for. Perhaps I will go for 10 things. Usually before I can reach 10, I have fallen asleep. Try it and let me know what happens. 

So those are the 3 G’s. When working with clients, it is amazing how often there is no fixing a problem except to slow down, bring self compassion to the moment and redirect the mindset toward gratitude. This is a challenging chapter we are living through and these tools are pragmatic, do-able ways to move through life with more ease and kindness. I would love to hear from you the ways you are managing your stress and anxiety.

Looking for Additional Support?

If you are considering therapy, please contact me for a free consultation or to help you find a qualified therapist.

If you are in crisis and need immediate care, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255. Or the Multnomah County crisis line at 503-988-4888. Please take care of yourself.